Trump on Eros

"Okay, folks, we’re talking about Eros. Terrible thing. Just terrible. A total disaster. Maybe one of the worst disasters in human history. And let me tell you, nobody saw this coming—well, except me. I would have seen it coming.

Because here’s the thing—what happened on Eros? It should never have happened. Never. But you had these weak, weak leaders. Weak politicians, weak scientists, and—most importantly—weak corporations, and they let this horrible thing happen. And now, look at it—Eros, a total mess. It’s floating around, glowing blue, making everybody very, very nervous. And frankly, it’s not good. It’s very bad.

Now, I’m a businessman, okay? I know deals. I’ve made incredible deals. And let me tell you something—Protogen? Bad deal. Very bad deal. What they did—unbelievable. They take this alien goo, right? This, uh, what do they call it? The proto—whatever. And they decide, ‘Hey, let’s just dump it on a bunch of Belters, see what happens.’ Disgusting! Disgusting! And now, all these people are—let’s be honest—melted. They’re blue and glowing and floating around, and it’s not good.

And where was the UN? Where was Mars? Nowhere! Nowhere to be found. They were sitting around, making bad decisions, probably giving out more free healthcare or something—very sad. Meanwhile, Eros is getting taken over by this thing, and suddenly, it’s moving. Can you believe that? Moving. They said, ‘Oh, it can’t move,’ and then—boom!—it moves! That’s the kind of thing we should’ve stopped before it happened. But no one listened to the smart people—like me.

Now, let me tell you what I would have done. First of all, folks, let’s be real—we would have had the best space security. Absolutely the best. I would’ve built an incredible defence system. A tremendous defence system. Some people are saying—many people are saying—it would have been the greatest defence system.

And you know what? We wouldn’t have let this happen. We would’ve been tough. We would’ve been smart. We would’ve said, ‘Hey, Protogen, you wanna play games with alien goo? Not happening. Not on my watch.’ We’d hit ‘em with sanctions—big sanctions. I do the best sanctions, believe me. And if they didn’t stop? Boom! We shut them down. Totally shut them down.

And another thing—I like Belters, okay? Some Belters, great people. Hardworking people. But let’s be honest, folks, the Belt has a lot of problems. A lot of problems. Crime, corruption—terrible. And what did the UN do? Nothing. They let this happen. Meanwhile, we’ve got people out there, good people, hard-working people, trying to make an honest living—and suddenly, their space station is crawling with blue glowy zombies. Not good! Not good at all.

Now, let me tell you what we should be doing. First, we get tough on corporations that do very bad things—like Protogen. We hold them accountable. We win. Second, we protect our people—Inner, Outer, doesn’t matter. If you’re human, we protect you. And third? We make sure this never happens again. We put up a big, beautiful defence system around Medina Station, around Ceres. A huge shield. And I know shields, folks. I do great shields. We stop alien goo before it spreads.

And let me say this, because it’s very important—people are asking, ‘Mr. Trump, do you think this was an invasion? Do you think the aliens are coming?’ And let me tell you, I don’t know. Some people are saying it was. Many people. But let’s just say, if the aliens are coming? They’re gonna find out real fast that we don’t mess around. Not with me in charge.

So let’s fix this. Let’s be smart. Let’s be tough. And let’s make sure Eros never happens again.

And by the way, folks, if you see any blue glowy people floating around? Run. It’s bad. Very bad. Okay?

Thank you, everybody. You’re amazing people. Love you all. God bless."

He steps back from the podium, flashes a thumbs-up, and walks off as the crowd erupts into cheers.